courtesy of Pixtawan Free digital photos.net
How many times have you said yes to a commitment when you really wanted to say no? When we oblige unwillingly, we feel the energy literally drain away from us. Often resentment follows and a negative exchange with others. What do our yes’s stand for if we can’t say no when we mean it? I became a woman who did too much, just trying to please everyone and squeeze that one more yes into my life to receive approval. As a mother this has been incredibly hard to change. Feeling at the beck and call of my children and giving 110% left me feeling unfulfilled and feeling like my time was never my own. Several years ago I almost lost my driving licence as I drove faster and faster, cramming everything into my day and not wanting to be late for deadlines. I racked up 12 points for speeding and it was a wake up call to slow down to the tune I was playing and take some time out to work out who and what I am.
One night I woke up in the middle of the dark feeling the grip of anxiety, feeling burdened and burnt out. I felt overwhelmed with stuff to do and places to be and people who needed me. My life felt chaotic and without purpose. I begun the process of reflection which led me to write down and list all my childhood acheivements, the books I had read, the amazing places that I visited and all the life skills that I had learnt. I counted over 20 years of dedication to personal growth and lastly I catalogued all the jobs I had been given and courses that I had attended. Suddenly the question came to me “so what does this mean?” Yes I am multi-skilled and yes I have lived a colourful life but I am still without my purpose, my passion to call my own and make a difference. So I went back over my writings and decided in that moment that I wanted to encompass all that I had learnt to help others. I made a conscious shift to reduce the time I spent doing things I didn’t enjoy. I re-evaluated my time, de-junking unnecessary commitments. It was painful in parts, letting go of the old life. I had spent a long time thinking that the life I was living was fulfilling but actually it was burdening me. One day someone said to me “I don’t know how you do all that you do”. At that time, I had horses, chickens, dogs, running a home single handed and trying to survive a divorce. I thought about the answer to that question and it was “I do it in a permanent state of overdrive robotic routine and often suffering from stress”. The crunch point came when my youngest daughter asked me to look at a picture that she had drawn and I said I didn’t have a minute to look at it. It was a sad realisation. Interestingly the next day I was passed a book from my EFT practioner which gave me the courage to follow my heart and pursue my true purpose. I owe this first step to Corrina Gordon- Barnes of You Inspire Me and her book Turn your passion to profit. I felt so inspired by this book that I signed up to her accountability course of the same name. Due to unforseen cirucumstances I was unable to actively finish the course but as a believer in fate, I embraced this. A year on, I can now say that from this new fresh approach to developing my passion to Unclutter your life, I feel liberated. I am finally doing what I love and I have made space for things that matter.
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